“When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable must be true.” quoted by Harlan Coben in Long Lost attributed to the Sherlock Holmes character.
About a year ago from this April I read the book, The Pursuit of God by AW Tozer. Towards the end of the book he describes a spiritual experience that he reports is available to whomever wants it. While I was reading the book something like what he described seemed to start happening with me to where after reading the book I did not want what he was describing because it seemed to have started already. While I was reading something was telling me, “you are about to get your answer what you have been looking for.” I didn’t know I was consciously looking for something but that is what I heard.
Afterwards and to this day I seem to be more aware of god’s presence in my life, in the quiet and at other times as well. To feel his presence has been a desire of mine for a long time. Also, afterwards and to this day I have wanted to listen to worship music.
I had not done that in a while before this happened and when I do often times I cry. The emotion is hard to describe. It must be what praise feels like and what people who worship feel when worship moves them to tears. In the book he did not say to expect anything like that to happen it just did.
Even though this change is impossible to deny at times I still have my doubts. But I came across this quote I quoted above and it helps. Besides saying that my higher power has changed my heart and that that change seems to be permanent I have really no other explanation for this. Someone could say it is some psychological thing from my unconscious but I really don’t buy that. I have to say that for me, even though my doubts want to say that this is highly improbable it is the only conclusion that makes sense to me.
I have struggled with, is god real for a long time. This for me is evidence for me anyway, that is indisputable. Tozer in the book said that that would be the case. That for him anyway this new way of knowing god put his doubts to rest. Are mine at rest? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that however crazy this sounds to my rational and scientific mind there is nothing scientific about it. Other than the fact that this phenomena for me is observable and has been reproduced for me I don’t know how many times since that time nor who knows how many times it will occur for me again.
This makes me GREATLY look forward to leading worship again. After this happened I did not think that it was time for me to go back to the church as a pastor and worship leader but circumstances seem to be leading me in that direction. I have tried a lot of other things that have not worked out. That’s all for now.