ya know…

ya know.  most of my life I have been afraid.

afraid to turn my will and my life over to the care of someone else.

what is going to happen if…..

has been my mantra

recently.  afraid to work the steps.

afraid of the future.

Is it just going to be more of the same?

My fears about working the steps and really doing a recovery program

have been unfounded.

It has been scary to be really depressed and to struggle with adhd.

both of those not responding to medication.

Maybe it made sense to be afraid all those years because of that.

Now they are responding and I do feel better and I am less afraid.

Now that I am in the middle of a recovery program though

life is not scaring the shit out of me all the time

and that feels good.

There is a goodness in AA for me.

In going to meetings, working the steps,

that I have finally found a sponsor that I like,

even in turning my will and my life over to the care of my higher power

I guess I have known all along that my life was bigger than me to handle anyway.

It feels good that I can go somewhere and hear people who are like me

talk about the same kind of stuff that goes on in my head.

I like that.

Right now anyway, its all good…..




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s