what if….

I am and was normal?
What if I drank the kool-aid
I would be dead
the kool-aid?
my family’s assessment of me
a selfish self absorbed lonely asshole
as for self absorbed
if someone just had their leg cut off and they are holding it
are they self absorbed
or just in pain?
I was in pain
Did it take me away from them
Yes, and that hurt them
and it hurt me too.
but to punish myself for it?
i don’t think so
And as for lonely,
I am never alone.
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