That means more to me now than it did before. There is less that I can control than I thought. And I am more ok with that now. Checking out of reality does not work any more. I just doesn’t so welcome to reality and maybe reality is not the awful thing that I like to think that it is. So my catastrophyzer ?sp, needs to slow down and the only way I know to do that is to say come what may I have an inner resource that I can tap into. (see Appendix 2 in the big book about spiritual experience) So I think my faith is growing. I read about how others are able to transcend their pain and get to a place of calm. Bill Wilson, Paul, Jonathan Edwards, John Calvin. Those are the people I read and they all say it. BW says that we have found a faith that works to where we are able to face impossible situations calmly. wtf. To me that is real spiritual power. That is not the opiate of the masses as my doubter would like to think. As that calm is a gift. There are times for me when the worries go away and I have an unexplicable calm. It does not come from drugs or anything I am trying to think positive or negative. There is a peace and confidence that is not from me. That to me is what it means to tap into the inner resource.