the 9th step promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development

we will be amazed before we are half way through

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see

how our experience can benefit other

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will dissapear

We will loose interest in selfish things.

And gain interest in our fellows

Self seeking will slip away

Our whole outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us

We will intuitively know how to handle situations

that used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that god is doing for us

more than we can do for ourselves

Are these extravagant promises?

We think not.  They are being fulfilled among us

Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly.

But they will always materialize if we work for them.



The man in the arena

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Teddy Roosevelt

when I feel like I have lost my way

I remember when being trained as a counselor they said, whenever you feel like you have lost your way go back to listening.  That is the foundation.  Listening, reflectively listening to the person.  What are they saying?  How do they feel?  What does what they are saying mean to them?  Go back to that and you will find your way again.

Sometimes in life I feel like I am lost.  I thought I would be doing this and I am doing that?  And worrying about myself.  Man I hate that.  Worrying at work and all that stuff.

I am thinking for me that love is for life what reflective listening is for counseling.  What is one thing you can do where you can’t go wrong.  I remember as a pastor there would be something I needed to say to someone or do.  Some approach I needed to take, maybe something hard but truthful I needed to say and I would start to get afraid of their reaction.  I would just say to myself, this comes from love.  Let your love win over your fear.  Don’t worry about what they may say or do to try to hurt you.  And I did get hurt bad one time.   This is no guarantee that you won’t get hurt but it is all I can think of.

I have fear in their but I also have much compassion, much compassion and that can win over fear if I let it.  If I start work with, my job is to love these people, my bosses, my co-workers, even and especially the ones who are harsh and even bully me.  Yeah, I have been in this frickin job a little over a month and that has happened already.  And especially loving the members.   When I started this job I asked the interviewer what motivates you about your job.   She said I am not as much in contact with the members as before, but helping them is what motivates me.  So pretty much on that alone I took the job.   And maybe that is how I find my way when I feel lost.  My fucking truck broke down a month and a half ago and my medicine still isn’t right.   Well, my job is still to love, and I can do that with a messed up truck and not quite right medicine.

Shalom ya’ll,



I was thinking about this today.  I think addictions are attachments gone bad.  The thing craved and desired badly and strongly tries to take you out.  I think my higher power is the only one I can direct that much hunger for and not be consumed.  I think spouses and partners can get close to that for me but even there it is different, for me anyway.

So with everything else I want to be unattached.   The more I am attached to my work the worse I think I will do.  If I let it consume me, worry too much about it.  Worry about what people think of me and my performance then my heart isn’t quiet  and I can’t do a good job.  I’m not settled at all I am not centered at all.  Yeah I am connected to my source but the sense of dependence or whatever just isn’t there.

I think the paradox is the less attached we are to work or whatever the better we do.  I think that is true anyway.  I want to go down that road farther.  I get glimpses of not letting my circumstances define me and my reactions and believing that anything could happen including death and it would be ok because my heart can still gaze on his beauty.

Not sure how to put this part into words.  Who I want and love most fills me completely.  I live but that is inconsequential that I am nothing and more than nothing, ein and tohu, says Isaiah.   I have been taken over by someone else and now he does it all and not me.  I think that is true of most people.  But we don’t believe it so it does not help very much.   And what I am attached to IS the source of my life and nothing else.  Nothing else.  He said the spirit counts for everything the flesh counts for nothing.  Boy do I get that one backwards 🙂  Up until now things have been to hard and just surviving too much to think about stuff like this.  That’s all for now.

Shalom ya’ll,


Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.   the prophet Habbakuk


Remember Surrender
by Sara Groves

Remember surrender
Remember the rest 
Remember that weight
Lifting off of your chest
And realizing that it’s not
Up to you and it never was

Remember surrender
Remember relief
Remember how tears rolled down
Both of your cheeks
As the warmth of a heavenly father
Came closing in

I want to do that again
Why can’t I live there
And make my home
In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember

Remember surrender
Remember the peace
Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep
In the face of your troubles
Your future still shone
Like the morning sun

Remember surrender
Remember that sound
Of all of those voices dying down
But one who speaks clearly
Of helping and healing you deep within

I want to do that again
Why can’t I live there
And make my home
In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember