My view of my higher power may be changing. Getting rid of that old white guy with a beard that wants to shit on me has been hard. Progress is that he/she is unconditionally loving. That helps. No matter what I do good or bad that person loves me. But that still feels neutral. What I mean is life could s,hit on me. People can shit on me. Things could go horribly bad and he would love me but all those things can happen while he watches and loves me. Lately I am starting to think that not only does he not want to shit on me but he wants me to be happy. That has been a rough one. Maybe I worry because even if he loves me I could have a horrible terrible life. I can’t say why but lately it has been, he wants me to be happy and every day in whatever situation I find myself he is working towards my happiness. Maybe I think this 🙂 Still trying it on. It is easier to say that I am working towards my own happiness in whatever situation I find myself and that I think we are all doing that. But if we are all doing that could it be that we are made to do that because that is what he is doing. For a long time it was rough believing at all wondering how a good god could be involved in any way in this hell hole with call life.
My thinking could change back. I really don’t know why I have a more positive perspective. Maybe because I believe I can feel my higher power’s presence. And it feels good, not bad, hard to describe but not bad. I want to think this way because worry has been hard/impossible to break. Maybe if I think that in whatever situation I find myself the powers that be are working for my good. Not just standing there being loving no matter what but actively working for my good like I am doing, like I think we all are doing. Anyway, that’s all I got. “We will know a new freedom and a new happiness.” BW