I was thinking about this today. I think addictions are attachments gone bad. The thing craved and desired badly and strongly tries to take you out. I think my higher power is the only one I can direct that much hunger for and not be consumed. I think spouses and partners can get close to that for me but even there it is different, for me anyway.
So with everything else I want to be unattached. The more I am attached to my work the worse I think I will do. If I let it consume me, worry too much about it. Worry about what people think of me and my performance then my heart isn’t quiet and I can’t do a good job. I’m not settled at all I am not centered at all. Yeah I am connected to my source but the sense of dependence or whatever just isn’t there.
I think the paradox is the less attached we are to work or whatever the better we do. I think that is true anyway. I want to go down that road farther. I get glimpses of not letting my circumstances define me and my reactions and believing that anything could happen including death and it would be ok because my heart can still gaze on his beauty.
Not sure how to put this part into words. Who I want and love most fills me completely. I live but that is inconsequential that I am nothing and more than nothing, ein and tohu, says Isaiah. I have been taken over by someone else and now he does it all and not me. I think that is true of most people. But we don’t believe it so it does not help very much. And what I am attached to IS the source of my life and nothing else. Nothing else. He said the spirit counts for everything the flesh counts for nothing. Boy do I get that one backwards 🙂 Up until now things have been to hard and just surviving too much to think about stuff like this. That’s all for now.
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior. the prophet Habbakuk