In honor of those who still struggle

In the Lord of the Rings a hobbit was entrusted with the destruction of the ring, as opposed to kings and all powerful wizards.   In his effort to destroy the ring he could not resist putting it on and in the end he succumbed to its power, only to have it bitten off and destroyed.   When Aragon was inaugurated as King he did not chastise Frodo for his weakness and constant relapsing but honored him for his courage and fortitude.   When it was time for him to take his throne he stopped and did not sit down.  Instead he summoned Frodo up and had Frodo take his throne and all who were there honored him for the hero that he was.    May we honor those who still struggle to destroy their rings in the same way.

Salvador Edwards


the kingdom that lasts forever

Daniel told about a kingdom that will last forever and will crush all the other kingdoms.  That kingdom is in this world right now I believe.   It is the kingdom of the little ego and the big soul.   The church has the teaching about the kingdom but not much power I believe.   As the church seems to be a breading ground right now for big egos.   I think the church lacks the ferocity to crush much of anything right now.   I may be wrong, but I see this kind of spiritual life in AA and NA and the other 12 step groups.   They know about the problem of the big ego and every day you can go to a meeting and hear people talk about the problem of their big ego and what they are doing about with the help of a higher power.   And I think this is a kingdom of love.   But the kind of love that is powerful enough to crush big egos and knows that things like suffering helps to grow big souls.   I may be wrong on that one too, since I don’t want more suffering for anybody including myself.   But Revelation talks about the tree of life when the new heaven and new earth are finally here.  Its leaves are for the healing of the nations.  Does that mean that complete healing happens in the after life?  Not sure.  Maybe.   I do think that that healing is available now at least in part as the kingdom that will last forever is here as well.   The kingdom of the little egos and big souls.  That is where the life is, I believe.  That is where the life is.

the problem and the solution

The problem you ask?   The ego.   The solution?    The mortification of the ego.   Yeah I know.  Fuck that fuck that fuck that fuck that!!!!    That is what I thought for a long time.   I don’t want to die what will be left of me?  Right?   Well I am not sure how far along I am but I think the answer may be that.   Its not that you stop being you.  You are still you.  Is that you stop RELYING ON YOU.   Make sense?  You are still you.  You just don’t relying on you any more.    That is the way Bill Wilson seems to talk about it in the AA 12 and 12.   You go from defiance to reliance, from defiance to reliance.   So, you guessed it.    Having an addiction is a great opportunity for the mortification of the ego.   In the early days of AA they had 6 instead of 12 steps.   The first step of the 6 was called ego deflation.   Then confession was after that I think.    One stops relying on oneself and that necessitates the reliance on someone else.    For addicts we need a higher power so we go about finding a higher power we can learn to start relying on.   For some it is the group:  god, group of drunks.

Jesus knew a lot about this, a lot.  I think he talked about the problem and the solution in this way.   If you wish to save your life you will loose it but if you loose your life you will save it.   Right, hear it?   Your ego is on the chopping block pal, the chopping block.    Come to me all who are wearing and I will give you rest.   Take my yoke on you and learn from me for I am meek and gentle.  Hear it?    It is a heavy burden for you to be relying on yourself for everything.   Start relying on me.  Let me give you a break there pal.

Having said that the church these days knows very little about this, very very little.  In fact for whatever reason the narcissism seems to love religious people.   So much of the church these days is like the religious people of Jesus day.   To me there is no doubt about that!!!   And Jesus had a few choice words for them back then.   You hypocrites!!!!   You know what your problem is?  You are whitewashed tombs.  You look really good on the outside but inside you smell like a dead and rotting person.   Hear it?  Hear how he is lamblasting narcissism?   Narcs love the church.   Think of all the religious leaders these days who are so fucking self centered, just fucking self centered and they are spewing a lot of shit, just a lot of shit from their mouths!!!!   wtf right?  wtf!!!

Then Bill Wilson comes along and says, hey man.   This ego has got to go.  This thing just has to go and that is powerful.    Think about it in Romans 7 Paul is talking about his addiction.   My mind tells my body not to do something but my body just goes on and does it anyway.  You hear Dr. Silkworth?   These people have an allergy of mind and body.   Bill Wilson seems to come up with a solution that even the apostle Paul didn’t know about.  Now put that in your pipe and smoke it.     Bill Wilson says yeah and I knew all kinds of stuff about my problem, I just could not stop doing it and it almost killed me.   Then he has a spiritual experience and he is able to stop.   The problem is the ego.   The solution, the mortification of the ego.


the three c’s of addiction




You loose control, there are consequences and you continue anyway.   Those in recovery know this about themselves.   The hoi poloi (the many) have lost control and don’t know it.  That’s called denial.   For that issue, go to meetings and when it is time you will realize that despite the consequences you have lost all control and you can’t stop.  At that point,  if you are really lucky,  your ego will get deflated.