Y’all. I want to be hopeful and excited about a new work opportunity but fear grabs me so easily. I had a good meeting with a committee the other night and afterwards. I told myself it went bad and started feeling really really afraid. I know I mind read people and think they are thinking negative things about me. I can fear that I won’t be able to do all that will be required. I can fear the failures of the past.
Right now I can see myself going to a new place and really enjoying it. I’m not sure what changed from then til now. The most positive thing I did was to worship in the way that really works for me now. Besides the pleasure of doing it. It may be doing more for me than I realize, make sense. I cry a lot and the tears are good for my soul I believe they are good for my soul. And it may be helping me to heal from all the damage that has been done to my soul.
Right now anyway, I am aware of MY truth. Which is: no one in the church can get the church the way it should be. It to me is a spiritual reality that God is in charge of and responsible for. Also, I can’t be expected to be good at everything. A church that lets me work out of my strengths will be best. There are other people who know how to do the things I am not good at. Also, there are lots of pastor who have done it before that can help me. Also, I have lots of gifts and abilities and experience that would be best used in a bigger church than where I am now. Also, the past is in the past. There are good people that want to be helpful and supportive in the church. Not everyone is like the mean spirited people who hurt me in the past. Ones here that have done things I didn’t like, their intention was to be helpful. That will be most people’s intention. God is always with me. He always carries me on his shoulders the way a shepherd carries his sheep and guides them with his voice. I have been tuned in and listening to him lately and that will continue. He has got me to this point and he will get me home.
carpe diem 